Doing everything to win her over, are you a “simp”?
Decades ago you would get hit with a popular phrase like “nice guys finish last”, well nowadays it’s a plain ugly word, a “simp”, from the word simpleton. They say, “Simping” is when someone tries way too hard to impress the person they like, often going above and beyond to satisfy their every need and gains nothing from it. Even with all the reasons in this world, is it bad to be overly nice guy?
Last summer, I met Garry (not his real name) in a peer support group where he shared his experience coming from such type of relationship I prefer to call abusive ones. Garry is the kind of a guy who’s gentle and compassionate, and it turned out that he’d deeply fallen for this girl that he would do anything and everything to win her over. Just like the end in any other “sad” love story, this girl eventually chose another guy over him even after everything he had done to her. He said to have spend much of his savings helping her with stuff like furnishing her fixer-up new home, fixing her car and obviously for day to day treats. Then came the emotional setbacks after she was over and done with Garry for good which plugged him into depression. Well, we are not discussing Gary, but hear this. It turned out that some of his close friends who new him and the “girlfriend-to-be” often hit on him for “simping” on the girl. And it’s Garry’s guilt of carrying the name “a simp” through out his depression journey that made me eager to write about this topic. It appeared to me that he suffered more for being proven to be exactly what he tried to prove he wasn’t. So here’s my reasons why people like Gary should not be made to carry a cross with an ugly inscription such as “A Simp!”.
Different personalities matters.
Personalities lie in a spectrum and therefore, some MBTI types tend to be more emphatic than others. People with INFP/INFJ MBTI type will tend to be more gentle and compassionate than any other type. For them, it would be very tragic to engage manipulative people. Often times they may fall a prey to the narcissistic type in which case things can only end badly. Now, supposing Garry has a strong sense of emotional empathy, and her girlfriend was the manipulative type who only sought to get helped settle in a new house, then I would climb every mountain to let Garry know that he is a good Garry and not a Simp.
He Who sees a Simping man, Has a taste for toxicity.
Probably you don’t agree with this but look at it this way. We spend on people depending on how much we value them. To some people it’s purely a show of responsibility. But there’s a thing about how the toxic type believe that they’re entitled to everything. There is a toxicity signal if you go out calling people “Simps” for trying to impress someone they like because it means from your point of view they must get something in return. Well, getting something back is what the endgame should be, but a NO should as well be expected and respected. And just to mention, I believe Garry just met a bad girl who couldn’t say no to the gifts, there’s the lesson there, but there are good girls out there and I hope he meets one. Again, maybe it wouldn’t have added a toll to his anxiety if his close friends didn’t use such an ugly word. Like my Nina says, tell me the truth without hurting my reputation, and if that’s difficult, alas let me learn it the hard way.
Unrequited love has always existed, “simp” language is a harsh creation of a bitter Society.
Literally works have over the ages depicted conflicts of unrequited love. For instance, looking at the hunchbacked Quasimodo and the gypsy Esmeralda, from the Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo. A classic case of the most hideous person falling for the most sort after beauty, but how deep the love was for a man to starve himself to death holding up the remains of a girl who loathed him to the extent of not letting him kiss her hand. Maybe, Quasimodo would make the greatest “simp” to have ever lived. But then, unrequited love is just love without a receiver end. It exists, and can be trained and channeled elsewhere. So if Garry fell flat on the first one that’s okay, doesn’t make him a simpleton. Well, you realize that almost every one out there is biter about something and every slang out there is as unforgiving as the society is nowadays. I would want Garry to know that whatever happened was Just a crucial phase in his life, that’s all there is to it.
You cover up the bad guy by punishing the good guy.
Well I either haven’t updated myself on popular slangs or there isn’t yet a punitive name for the guys being “simped on”. If I come a cross the name I may edit this part but I still believe good people shouldn’t be punished for what they are. I mean instead of calling Garry a simp, we should have a harsh name for persons being “simped on”. I mean what’s the big deal with saying NO to gifts from people you’re not going to reciprocate their affection. It’s disgusting that some people find it fit to use someone’s kindness in the name of love and then choose another guy the very next opportunity shows up. And worse still the people splitting themselves to bits for the sake of proving their affection are the ones getting branded ugly names. My point is, I’m for Garry is not a “Simp”, he just met a “Mugger”. And maybe it should stick in the head of everyone taking gifts without letting their feelings known to the people sending the gifts that they are literally mugging them off their hard earned possessions.
Well, it’s been a few weeks since I spoke to Garry, last time we did though, he was warming up to a new fling. And for a person who had once thought that he was pathetic and just a simp, as a peer support group member I felt like it was a good job changing the negative perception and views he had piled up about himself. After a year fighting depression, Garry found his life from the “simp” cross the society had crucified him.
My parting shot is that, regardless of your view about the matter, probably the name “simp” should not have been invented leave a lone being used on anyone because it’s demeaning and literally lays the blame on the seemingly good guy. Maybe we should let the nice guy finish last but he finishes anyway, for even bad guys finish first and finish badly. Shouldn’t we?
